What Actually Happens in EMDR Therapy (Step-by-Step)
A clear guide to what EMDR therapy sessions are really like (written by a therapist who uses EMDR personally and with clients).
Most people hear about EMDR therapy and think one of two things:
“I’ve heard it works, but I don’t understand how.”
or
“That sounds kind of intense… what actually happens in a session?”
If you’re considering EMDR, it’s normal to feel unsure.
Not knowing what to expect can make something already vulnerable feel even more overwhelming.
You might be wondering:
Will I have to talk about everything in detail?
What if I get overwhelmed?
Do I have to re-explain
What does the eye movement part actually feel like?
How is this different from regular therapy?
As a trauma therapist who experiences the transformative power of EMDR regularly, I want to walk you through what actually happens in EMDR therapy — step by step.
Not the overly clinical version.
The real version.
First: What Is EMDR? (In Simple Terms)
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing.
At its core, EMDR helps your brain process and integrate experiences that feel stuck
When something overwhelming happens, your brain doesn’t always fully process it in the moment.
My favorite way to visualize the difference between a traumatic memory and a “normal/everyday memory” is this:
Think of your memory like a libary wall, with normal memories contained in little boxes, all organized nice and neat up on the wall. When you need to “remember,” you search your brain, find the memory and open it.
But a traumatic memory is more like… if you shatter a glass box, try to fit the pieces into a box-like-shape, and put it up on the memory wall. This memory is sharp, it might fall down without your choice, and it can hurt the brain and body to remember.
The traumatic memory get’s stored in a more “raw” form, so that:
The emotions,
the body sensations,
the beliefs about yourself,
and the sense of danger
All feel very real and very true.
So even if time has passed, your nervous system might still respond as if it’s happening now.
That’s why you might say:
“I know, logically, I’m safe… but it doesn’t really feel that way.”
EMDR works with the brain’s natural processing system to help those experiences move from:
“This is happening to me” → “This happened to me”
That shift is subtle, but it changes everything.
EMDR doesn’t take the memory away, but it helps smooth the edges so we can remember and stay present at the same time.
Why EMDR Feels Different From Talk Therapy
In traditional talk therapy, you might:
Explain what happened using words
Cognitively analyze patterns
Use logic to understand your reactions
Challenge thoughts with “rationality”
That can be helpful.
But many people reach a point where they say:
“I understand it logically, I get it… but I still feel the same.”
That’s because trauma isn’t just cognitive. It’s not just in your head.
It’s stored in the body and nervous system.
EMDR focuses less on explaining and more on how the experience is still being held internally
This is why sessions often include:
Less talking than you might expect
More slow noticing of sensations
More internal processing
You’re not trying to “figure it out.”
Your brain is doing the work.
The 8 Phases of EMDR
EMDR is structured into 8 phases:
1) History Taking and Treatment Planning
2) Preparation
3) Assessment
4) Desensitization
5) Installation
6) Body Scan
7) Closure
8) Reevaluation
In practice, they look a little more like this:
Step 1: Getting to Know You (History + Planning)
Before any processing begins, we take time to understand:
What you’ve experienced
What’s currently coming up
What feels unresolved
What you want to shift
What you use for safety
We’re not just collecting information.
We’re looking for patterns:
recurring emotional responses
triggers
core beliefs (like “I’m not safe” or “I’m not enough”)
We also identify potential target memories — moments that still carry emotional charge.
This phase can take one or several sessions.
There’s no rush.
Step 2: Preparation + Building Stability
This is one of the most important parts of EMDR, and one that’s often misunderstood.
EMDR is not about diving straight into the hardest thing. We’re not trying to retraumatize.
Before we process anything, we make sure you have tools to:
Regulate your emotions
Ground yourself when things feel intense
Come back to the present moment
This might include:
Visualization exercises (like a safe or calm place)
Containment strategies
If your system doesn’t feel ready, we slow down.
Pacing is everything in trauma work. Fast is slow and slow is fast.
Resourcing Exercise: Creating a Calm Place
Before processing difficult experiences, we can build internal resources.
One of the most common is a calm place.
This isn’t about pretending everything is okay, or trying to “escape” into a fantasy place.
It’s about giving your nervous system a comfy, chosen spot to return to.
Take a moment and imagine:
A place where you feel:
calm
steady
curious
or even just slightly more at ease
This could be:
Somewhere real
Somewhere from the past
or something you create
Now gently bring in details:
What does it look like?
What do you hear?
What does the air feel like?
Are you alone, or is someone/something with you?
Let your body feel into it, even just a little.
If it helps, you can pair this with gentle bilateral tapping:
Left… right… left… right…
This helps your brain strengthen the feeling of safety, not just think about it.
You don’t have to force it. If nothing happens, if this doesn’t feel quite right, please skip it.
Step 3: Assessment + Choosing a Target Memory
When you’re ready, we choose a specific memory or experience to focus on.
This could be:
A single event (like a betrayal, accident, or loss)
A repeated experience (like ongoing criticism or abse)
A moment that still feels emotionally charged, even if it “doesn’t seem like a big deal”
We identify:
The image that represents it
The belief connected to it
The emotions that come up
Where you feel it in your body
This helps your brain know exactly what we’re working with.
This is how I might ask in a real EMDR session:
When you think about what you want to work on together as we’re doing this EMDR therapy…
What moment or image comes to mind first?
How do you notice it? In thought, image, sensation, sound, taste?
What feels the most “charged” about it right now, as we’re poking at it?
What do you notice in your body when I’m asking you about all this?
What belief about you, like an I statement, shows up as we’re talking? (“I’m not safe,” “I should have known,” “I’m not enough”?)
Step 4: Bilateral Stimulation (Desensitization)
This is the part most people associate with EMDR.
Bilateral stimulation involves activating both sides of the brain through:
Eye movements (following a light or fingers)
Tapping (alternating sides)
or sounds (left-right tones)
While this is happening, you’re not performing, you’re not “distracting” yourself, and you’re really not trying to do anything “right.”
You’re just:
Noticing what comes up
Following it
Allowing it to be
That’s it.
An Easy Bilateral Exercise You Can Try
This isn’t full EMDR therapy, but it gives you a bit of a small sense of how bilateral stimulation works.
Sit comfortably with both feet on the ground.
Gently cross your arms and place your hands on your upper arms (like a loose hug).
Begin lightly tapping one side at a time:
Left… right… left… right…
As you do this, bring to mind something mildly stressful, like a little bit annoying (Think: the vegetables you need to use or compost, the email from your kid’s dr you need to respond to, the stain you need to clean from the dog..) not the most intense thing. Just something that’s been on your mind.
Let your thoughts move naturally. Don’t try to control them.
Notice:
Your thoughts shifting
Your body softening slightly
A different perspective coming in
After about 30–60 seconds, pause. Take a breath.
Notice:
What feels different, even slightly?
Step 5: Processing (Desensitization)
This is the core of EMDR.
And it often feels different than people expect.
Instead of talking continuously, sessions include cycles of:
Noticing
Brief sharing
Continuing
Your brain and body begin to synch up, making connections on their own. We know how to “heal,” just like your skin knows how to heal a cut.
You might notice:
Memories linking together
Shifts in perspective
Blame, shame, or guilt loosening
Colors, sounds, sensations
Emotional waves rising and falling
Body sensations changing
People often say:
“I didn’t expect that memory to come up.”
“That feels different now.”
“I’m seeing it still, but it’s a little clearer.”
This isn’t random.
Your brain is reorganizing information in a way that allows it to process. EMDR therapy supports the body’s natural integration process.
What This Actually Feels Like (Real Life Experience)
This is the part people are most curious about.
EMDR is not:
Being forced to relive trauma
Losing control
Getting hypnotized
Being overwhelmed the entire time
Instead, it can feel like:
Your mind moving quickly between thoughts
Moments of emotion followed by relief
Unexpected clarity
Sharp or upsetting feelings
A sense of things “clicking”
Some sessions feel:
Intense
Emotional
Heavy
Others feel:
Neutral
Quiet
Surprisingly calm
All is normal.
Step 6: The Emotional Intensity Changes (Desensitization)
As processing continues, something shifts.
The memory doesn’t disappear.
But the emotional charge changes. The bite becomes a little less painful. The strong negative beleif softens a little bit, so that a little space get’s into “I’m unlovable.”
What once felt:
Overwhelming
Immediate
Horrific
Consuming
Might begin to feel:
More distant
More manageable
Less reactive
You might notice:
“I can think about it without spiraling.”
“It doesn’t hit me the same way.”
This is the nervous system integrating the experience, assigning appropriate responsbility, seeing the memory in a new, clearer light.
Step 7: Installation of a New, Adaptive Belief + Body Scan
After the intensity decreases, we strengthen a belief that feels more accurate now.
For example:
From: “I’m not safe”
To: “I can trust myself”
Or: “I’m not worthy of love”
To: “I deserved more”
This isn’t forced or positive thinking.
It’s based on what actually feels true after processing. It’s the reality that wasn’t safe in that moment, but is safe and true now.
We then do a body scan and look for places where overwhelm, distress, or trauma might still be linked to the memory.
From the body scan, we begin to look forward.
Step 8: Closing the Session + Reevaluation
At the end of each session, we make sure you feel:
Grounded
Oriented
Stable
Even if the work isn’t “complete,” you’re not left in an activated state. We’re not trying to overwhelm you or force catharsis.
You leave with a sense of containment and a plan for whats next.
If we complete the full processing of the target memory, we begin to process future scenarios that are related to the negative belief.
What Happens Between Sessions
This is something people don’t always expect.
Your brain will likely continue processing after sessions. Doing a 50 minute EMDR therapy session is energetically draining, like doing 6 hours of talk therapy.
You might notice:
Feeling hungry, thirsty, and tired
New insights
Weird or vivid dreams
Shifts in emotional response
Emotional reactivity
Things feeling slightly different
Or you might notice nothing at all.
Again, all is normal. At the next session, we’ll take time to debreif and reflect on what’s happened since.
Common Concerns About EMDR
“What if I get overwhelmed?”
Fair concern, as working with trauma can be overwhelming. We always pace the work carefully.
You’re not pushed beyond what your system can handle. We create that map together.
“Do I have to talk about everything?”
No.
You don’t need to share every detail for EMDR to work. You honestly don’t need to share ANY details for EMDR to work.
“What if nothing happens?”
Sometimes processing feels subtle.
That doesn’t mean nothing is happening. If nothing really happens, we adapt and shift.
“How long does it take?”
It depends.
Some people notice shifts quickly, while others take more time. As few as 2 EMDR sessions can create meaninful change for many people.
What EMDR Helps With
EMDR is effective for:
Trauma
Anxiety
Child Abuse
Panic
Grief
Betrayal trauma
Intrusive thoughts
Negative self-beliefs
It’s especially helpful when something:
“Feels stuck, even though I understand it”
Why EMDR Works (Without Overcomplicating It)
Your brain already knows how to process experiences.
Sometimes it just gets interrupted. EMDR helps tp restart that process.
So instead of the experience feeling:
Present, active, and overwhelming
…it becomes:
Integrated, in the past, and manageable
When EMDR Might Not Be the First Step
EMDR isn’t always the starting point.
If you’re:
Highly overwhelmed
Lacking stability
Actively suicidal
In ongoing crisis
We focus on building safety first.
This isn’t a limitation, and it doesn’t mean EMDR won’t work or that you’re broken.
It’s how we do good trauma work.
A Final Note
If you’ve been thinking about EMDR but feel unsure, that makes sense. I know how nervous I was before beginning EMDR therapy for myself.
Truthfully, you don’t need to feel completely ready.
You just need to be a little curious, a little bit interested in whats going on inside.
EMDR isn’t about forcing you into the past.
It’s about helping your brain finish what it didn’t get to complete.
You might not be ready for EMDR yet, or you might just be starting to wonder.
Either way, you can begin by noticing:
What still feels unresolved in your system
What your body does when you think about it
What helps you feel even slightly more grounded
You don’t have to push yourself into anything.
But you can start paying attention.
That’s often where the process begins.
You don’t have to figure this all out on your own.
