What EMDR Feels Like: A Real Look Inside the Process
The amount of time’s I’ve had to turn off the TV when therapy comes on screen…
Therapy, good therapy, is not just talking.
It’s not just analyzing. Or nodding.
And it’s definitely not about telling your story over and over again.
It’s more like something is happening in the background — while you stay present enough to notice what’s coming up.
If you’re here, you’re probably wondering:
“What is this actually going to feel like?”
If you’re trying to understand whether EMDR might actually help, you can read more about how EMDR therapy works here.
Let’s walk through it.
Before We Even Start EMDR
How EMDR therapy begins is tailored to your individual goals — we’ll talk about it during our consultation call.
Sometimes, someone comes in and says, “I want to work on this specific thing,” and we go there.
Usually, there’s a little space before that.
We talk. We notice what’s been coming up. What feels charged. What keeps pulling your attention.
And I’m not trying to figure out what’s “wrong” with you or suggest ways to fix it.
I’m paying attention to what feels important — what your system is already bringing forward.
I’m also noticing how you’re responding in your space and in your body.
What shifts, what tightens, what feels close to the surface and what feels farther away.
There’s usually a natural place to enter EMDR.
We don’t force it. We find it.
We’re paying attention to where your system naturally wants to go.
Sometimes it’s obvious right away. Sometimes it takes a little time.
But when we land on the right place, you can feel it.
It’s not about choosing the “right” memory. It’s about starting somewhere your system is already ready to go.
It Starts Simpler Than You Think
Before anything intense happens, we slow it waaay down.
We choose a specific moment. Not your whole story, not everything at once.
Just one piece.
I might say something like:
“We’re just going to focus on this one moment. You don’t have to figure anything out. Just notice what comes up.”
We identify:
The image
The negative belief (like “I’m not safe” or “I’m not enough”)
The feeling/sensation/emotion in your body
The intensity of the trauma (SUD) using 0-10
And then we begin.
You’re Not Trying to “Do” Anything
This is the part people don’t expect.
I’ll usually say something like:
“You really can’t do this wrong. Even if it feels weird, you’re doing it right.”
You might be used to solving things. But with EMDR therapy, you aren’t trying to:
Think your way through it
Fix it
Make meaning (just yet)
You’re noticing.
“Follow whatever comes up.”
“You don’t have to make sense of it.”
“This is an unfolding process.”
And your brain takes it from there.
The Bilateral Stimulation Feels Rhythmic (Almost Like Background Noise)
We’ll use some form of bilateral stimulation:
Eye movements
Tapping
Alternating sounds
It usually lasts about 10–30 seconds at a time.
While that’s happening, you’re just noticing:
thoughts
images
body sensations
emotions
Some people feel very aware of the actual side to side movement, others barely notice it after a while.
It becomes almost like a rhythm in the background while your brain processes.
Your Mind Starts Moving on Its Own
This is where it can get interesting.
You might start with one memory…
And then suddenly:
Another moment pops up
A different feeling surfaces
Something unexpected connects
You might even say:
“I don’t know why I’m thinking about this…”
And I’ll say:
“That’s okay. There could be info there. Just go with that.”
Because your brain is linking things that were never fully processed.
Not randomly.
But meaningfully.
It Can Feel a Little Strange (But in a Good Way)
Most people have a moment where they think:
“Wait… what is happening right now?”
Because it doesn’t feel like effort.
It might even feel like
“I’m not really doing anything…”
It feels more like:
Shifting sensation
Moving emotions
Different colors, sounds, intensity
Connections being made
Sometimes fast. Sometimes slow.
And I’ll remind you:
“You don’t have to force anything. Just notice.”
Your Body Is Part of the Process
This isn’t just a thinking experience.
For many of my clients who are used to fixing, solving, and being logical, this is both relieving and difficult.
You might notice:
Tightness in your chest
A drop in your stomach
Tension releasing
Changing breath
Sometimes people realize:
“I’ve been holding this for a long time.”
Because trauma isn’t just remembered, it’s stored.
And as processing happens, your body can begin to breathe.
We Check In Without Overthinking It
After a short set, I’ll pause and ask:
“What are you noticing?”
Not:
“Does that make sense?”
“What does it mean?”
Just:
What are you noticing?
How are you noticing it?
You might say:
“It feels lighter”
“It feels more distant”
“It’s still intense”
“Something shifted”
And I’ll say:
“Go with that.”
Then we do another set.
The Intensity Starts to Shift (SUD)
Before processing, we attempt to put a number on the intensity of distress. I keep track of that number through the entire EMDR therapy session.
At some point between bilateral stimulation, I’ll ask:
“How intense/distressing does it feel now, 0–10?”
That number usually changes over time. It might spike as new memories are being connected.
It could drop slightly as it becomes more integrated into your regular memory.
Not because you’re forcing it.
But because your brain is actually processing what got stuck.
You Might Feel Emotional — But Not Out of Control
This is a big fear people have.
That EMDR is going to flood them.
But we don’t just jump in.
We build resourcing first.
Things like:
a container (a place to put overwhelming material)
a stop signal
grounding skills
So if something feels like too much, you’re not stuck in it. And we don’t ask you to handle too much too fast.
You have control.
The Container (Resourcing) Actually Feels… Calming
Before deeper work, we often create a “container.”
Somewhere your mind can put things that feel like too much.
And when people use it, they often say:
“Oh… that actually worked.”
It feels like:
Space
Distance
Relief
Not avoidance, not distraction, not ignoring.
Just regulation.
At Some Point, It Starts to Feel Different
This is the shift people are usually hoping for.
The memory is still there.
But it feels:
Farther away
Less vivid
Less charged
More understood
Less urgent
Instead of:
“It’s happening right now”
It becomes:
“It happened.”
That’s a completely different experience in your body.
For a lot of people, that shift is connected to a kind of grief that doesn’t always get named — grief for what happened and what you thought your life would be.
Positive Beliefs Start to Feel… More True
We’re not just reducing distress or “desensitizing” (the D in EMDR).
We’re also making space for, or bringing to the surface, something that’s already there.
EMDR calls it a “positive belief,” but really it’s more like an adaptive belief.
Something that’s actually closer to the truth, even if it’s been harder to access.
Something like:
“I’m safe now.”
“I can trust myself.”
“I’m okay.”
These aren’t beliefs you’re trying to convince yourself of. They’re already there. Quieter, less dominant, but still true and there in the background.
The louder belief is usually shaped by the experience:
“I’m not safe.”
“I should have known.”
“I can’t trust myself.”
EMDR helps process the experience that gave those beliefs so much weight.
And as that happens, the adaptive belief doesn’t have to fight as hard to be there.
At first, it might feel:
Distant
Uncertain
Not fully believable
But over time, it starts to feel more real.
Not because you forced it, but because it actually fits your current reality more than the old belief does.
Your Body Eventually Settles (Body Scan)
Toward the end, we check:
“Notice your body. Scan around in there, get curious about the space. What’s left?”
Sometimes there’s a place where it still feels charged. Or full, spikey, fluttering…
And sometimes it’s neutral.
But when the process is complete, people often describe:
Calm
More ease
Openness
Stillness
Nothing stuck
Which, for a lot of people, is new.
Between Sessions, Things Keep Moving
This is important.
Processing doesn’t always stop when the session ends.
You might notice:
Dreams (weird or vivid)
New insights
Some reactivity or saddness
Things connecting later
This is normal.
Your brain is continuing the work.
Virtual EMDR Feels Just as Real
I was trained in EMDR right before the COVID pandemic, which means most of the EMDR work I’ve done has actually been virtual.
People are often surprised by how real it still feels, and to me it really feels natural.
We might use something simple, like:
Following a light across your screen
Tapping (on your own or guided)
Alternating sounds through headphones
It doesn’t take anything complicated.
Your brain knows what to do.
If you’re curious what that rhythm feels like, you can try something like this (with headphones):
https://www.youtube.com/@somaticemdr
Not to do full processing on your own, just to get a feel for it.
The Most Important Thing to Know
There’s actually no way to do this wrong.
You don’t have to:
do it perfectly
understand everything
make meaning immediately
I’ll say this a lot in session, and it applies here too:
“You’re doing it right, even if it feels weird.”
Because EMDR works with your brain and body, about allowing them to do what they already know how to do.
What EMDR Actually Feels Like (In One Sentence)
It feels like:
Something finally processing that’s been stuck for a long time.
You Don’t Have to Figure This Out Alone
If you’re curious about EMDR, that’s usually a sign you’re ready for a different kind of support.
You don’t need to have it all figured out.
If you want to experience this in a structured, supported way, I created a guided EMDR resource you can start with on your own, right now.
It walks you through:
How to begin safely
How to use bilateral stimulation
How to work with what comes up, without becoming overwhelmed
