Moving Through Pain: Healing and Support After an Abortion
Having an abortion or experiencing an abortion as a necessary medical procedure can be a complex experience.
It's a healthcare decision that comes with a unique emotional landscape - one that is sometimes misunderstood, judged, or silenced by different groups in our society.
Ahem, looking at you religious right.
If you are reading this, it means you have recently had an abortion, or you are supporting someone who has.
I won’t pretend to know your story, but I do know that you made the right decision. From me to you, fuck anyone who tries to tell you differently.
This guide is written for you.
It’s about acknowledging the multiple feelings that can arise, validating your journey, and offering compassionate support as you move forward.
You are not alone in this - what you are feeling is valid.
Navigating the Emotions After an Abortion
The emotions that follow an abortion are rarely simple or singular.
They can be a rich, swirling tapestry of feelings that shift and change over time.
There's no "right" way to feel, and your experience is uniquely yours.
You might find yourself experiencing:
Relief
This is a very common emotion, especially if the decision was made due to challenging circumstances- financial strain- health concerns- or simply knowing it wasn't the right time for you.
Feeling relief is normal and does not diminish any other feelings you might have.
Sadness and Grief
Even when an abortion is a chosen path, it can still involve a sense of loss. You might be grieving the potential of a different life- the "what if" of a child- or the idealized future that will not come to pass.
This sadness is real and can be held WITH the belief that you made the right decision.
Guilt or Shame
Abortion is a legal medical procedure, but societal stigma can produce feelings of guilt or shame. You might feel a weight of judgment, even if unspoken, from others or from internal beliefs.
These feelings are others insecurity, not reflections of your worth.
Peace or Acceptance
For many, the decision brings a profound sense of peace and clarity. You might feel a deep sense of alignment with your choice and a readiness to move forward.
Anger
This anger might be directed at circumstances that led to the decision- at the healthcare system- at others who offered judgment- or even at yourself.
It's a powerful emotion that often signals a boundary has been crossed or an injustice felt.
Confusion or Ambivalence
It's possible to feel conflicting emotions all at once- relief and sadness- peace and a lingering ache. This emotional complexity is normal and part of processing a significant life event.
Empowerment
For some, the act of making a clear decision for their body and their life, especially in the face of adversity, can lead to a feeling of empowerment and strength.
Anxiety or Depression
The stress of the decision and the recovery period can sometimes trigger or exacerbate feelings of anxiety, characterized by persistent worry and restlessness, or depression, marked by persistent sadness, loss of interest, and fatigue.
All of these feelings are valid.
They can coexist.
They can change day to day, hour to hour, moment to moment.
They can come in waves and rushes.
Your journey is your own, and accepting the feelings you feel is the first step in healing.
Physical Recovery and Self-Care: Honoring Your Body's Journey
An abortion is a medical procedure, and like any medical procedure, your body needs time and care to recover.
The physical recovery is intertwined with the emotional one- nurturing your body supports your mental well-being.
Rest is Essential
Allow your body the time it needs to heal. Avoid strenuous activity as advised by your healthcare provider. This is a time for gentle care, not pushing yourself.
Nourish Your Body
Focus on healthy, comforting foods that support your physical recovery. Hydration and nourishment are key.
Manage Discomfort
Use pain relief as recommended by your doctor. Be attentive to any physical symptoms and don't hesitate to contact your clinic if you have concerns.
Gentle Movement
Once cleared by your provider, gentle walks or stretching can help release tension and reconnect you with your body in a positive way.
Acknowledge Postpartum Changes
Even after an abortion, your hormones will shift, and your body will undergo postpartum changes. This can sometimes involve breast tenderness or a temporary feeling of emptiness.
Be prepared for these physical shifts and know they are a normal part of your body adjusting.
Treat your body with kindness and compassion during this time.
It has carried you through a significant experience and deserves your gentle attention.
Addressing Stigma, Shame, and Silence
One of the most challenging aspects of navigating an abortion can be the unfounded and appropriate societal stigma that surrounds it.
This stigma often leads to secrecy and silence, which can end up in isolation and shame.
Understanding External Stigma
You may encounter judgmental attitudes or rhetoric from society, media, or even people in your life.
This external noise is often rooted in misinformation and moralistic views, not in the reality of your experience or your decision. It is crucial to remember that their judgment is about them, not about you.
Internalized Shame
The external stigma can seep in, leading to internalized shame- a feeling that you are "bad" or "wrong" for your decision. This can make you want to hide your experience, preventing you from seeking comfort or support.
Breaking the Silence (When You're Ready)
You are the only one who gets to decide who, if anyone, you share your experience with. There is no obligation to tell anyone.
However, carrying shame in silence can be incredibly heavy.
If you find yourself struggling with internalized shame, gently consider opening up to a trusted, non-judgmental friend, family member, or therapist.
Sharing your story, even in a small way, can begin to dismantle the power of shame.
Your Decision is Yours
This is your body, your life, and your decision. You made the best choice you could with the information and circumstances you had at the time. No one else has the right to judge or invalidate your experience.
Reclaiming ownership of our decisions is a powerful act of self-compassion.
Coping Strategies and Finding Support
Healing after an abortion is a unique and personal journey.
Here are some strategies that can help you navigate the emotional waves and find your path forward:
Allow Yourself to Feel
Give yourself permission for all emotions- whether it's relief, sadness, anger, or peace. Don't judge your feelings. They are simply information. Trying to suppress them can make them stronger.
Connect with Trusted People
Choose one or two people in your life who you know are safe, non-judgmental, and truly supportive.
This might be a partner, a close friend, a family member, or a spiritual advisor. Let them know what you need- whether it's just to listen, to provide practical help, or simply to be a comforting presence.
Journaling or Creative Expression
Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be incredibly therapeutic. It allows you to process emotions without judgment and create a private space for your experience.
If journaling isn't for you, try art, music, or any creative outlet that allows you to express what's inside.
Mindfulness and Grounding
When emotions feel overwhelming, mindfulness techniques can help you stay present and connected to your body.
Simple grounding exercises- like focusing on your breath- feeling your feet on the floor- or naming five things you can see- hear- feel- smell- and taste- can bring you back to the present moment.
Practice Radical Self-Compassion
Treat yourself with the same kindness, understanding, and patience you would offer to a dear friend going through a difficult time.
Remind yourself that you did the best you could- that your feelings are valid- and that you deserve care and tenderness.
Rituals or Remembrance
If you feel a sense of loss, creating a small ritual can be a powerful way to acknowledge your experience.
This could be lighting a candle- writing a letter- planting a seed- or choosing a meaningful object. This is entirely personal and only if it resonates with you.
Set Boundaries
You have the right to protect your peace. This might mean limiting contact with people who are unsupportive or judgmental- or choosing not to engage in conversations that feel triggering.
Finding a Pro-Choice Therapist: Yes, Their Stance Matters
When seeking professional support after an abortion, the therapist's stance on bodily autonomy is not just a preference- it can be absolutely critical to your healing journey.
You deserve a therapeutic space where you feel completely safe, validated, and free from any implicit or explicit judgment about your decision.
Why a Pro-Choice Therapist is Essential for Your Healing:
Non-Judgmental Space
A pro-choice therapist views abortion as a legitimate healthcare decision. This means they will approach your experience with unconditional acceptance, creating a foundation of trust where you can explore all your emotions- including relief, sadness, guilt, or peace- without fear of being shamed or questioned.
Validation of Your Experience
Healing requires validation. An anti-choice stance, even subtly expressed, can invalidate your decision and your feelings, potentially re-traumatizing you or hindering your ability to process your unique grief and any associated trauma.
A pro-choice therapist understands that grief is valid for any loss, including the end of a pregnancy, regardless of the circumstances.
Focus on Your Well-being
Their focus will be entirely on your emotional well-being and autonomy. They will help you navigate your feelings, develop coping strategies, and integrate this experience into your life in a healthy way, rather than imposing a moral agenda or attempting to instill regret.
Understanding of Stigma
A pro-choice therapist is typically well-versed in the societal stigma surrounding abortion and can help you process internalized shame, offering tools to differentiate your personal truth from external pressures.
Questions to Ask a Potential Therapist:
It is your right to interview a therapist to ensure they are the right fit for your needs.
During an initial consultation or intake, don't hesitate to ask direct questions about their approach to reproductive healthcare and abortion.
Their response- both their words and their demeanor- will give you valuable insight.
Consider asking questions like:
"What is your stance on abortion, and how does that inform your work with clients who have had abortions"
"How do you ensure a non-judgmental and supportive space for clients discussing their reproductive choices, including abortio-"
"Do you believe abortion is a valid and necessary healthcare decision"
"What is your understanding of the wide range of emotional experiences that can follow an abortion"
"Have you received specific training or have experience working with individuals who are processing their abortion experience"
Pay close attention to how they answer.
Do they seem comfortable and open? Is their language inclusive and empathetic? Do they emphasize your autonomy and agency? Do you feel heard, seen, understood?
A therapist who truly prioritizes your healing will welcome these questions.
When Professional Support Can Light the Path
Sometimes, despite your best efforts to cope, the emotions after an abortion can become overwhelming, persistent, or "stuck."
If you find yourself struggling with intense anxiety, depression, pervasive shame, intrusive thoughts, or if your emotions are impacting your daily functioning significantly, reaching out for professional support is a brave and vital step.
A therapist can provide a safe, confidential, and non-judgmental space for you to process your feelings, integrate your experience, and heal.
There are therapeutic modalities uniquely suited to helping individuals navigate complex emotions and trauma- allowing you to find clarity and move forward.
These are tools that can help you untangle any knots of pain, guilt, or shame that might be holding you back:
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapy- EMDR helps the brain reprocess difficult memories and reduce their emotional charge. For abortion, it can effectively address any traumatic aspects of the procedure or the decision-making process, helping to release feelings of intense distress.
Brainspotting- Similar to EMDR, Brainspotting uses specific eye positions to access and process unprocessed emotional pain and trauma stored in the brain and body. It can be particularly gentle yet powerful for deeply held or unspoken experiences.
Internal Family Systems (IFS)- This modality helps individuals understand and heal different "parts" of themselves that have been impacted by the experience- like a "guilty part" or a "shameful part." It fosters inner harmony and self-compassion.
Somatic Experiencing (SE)- SE focuses on releasing trauma that is "stuck" in the body, helping to regulate the nervous system. It's incredibly helpful for the physical sensations of stress, anxiety, or emotional burden that can accompany any significant life event.
These modalities offer pathways to healing that can go beyond traditional talk therapy, providing powerful tools for truly processing and integrating your experience.
Your Journey Forward: Life After Abortion
Navigating life after an abortion means that you are strong and resilient.
I hope this guide has offered you space to acknowledge the complex emotions you might experience- from relief and peace to sadness, grief, or anger- all of which are valid.
We've explored the importance of honoring your body's physical recovery through self-care, and confronted the burden of societal stigma and shame, reminding you that your decision is yours alone to define.
By leaning into coping strategies like honest emotional expression and seeking trusted support, you empower your healing.
Finding a pro-choice therapist who embodies a truly safe and validating space is crucial to allowing your healing journey to unfold without judgement.
Your experience is valid.
Your feelings are valid.
Your path to healing is your own.
Trust yourself - extend yourself compassion inward - and know you deserve happiness, healing, and the freedom to move forward on your own terms.
Ready to explore healing after an abortion in a non-judgmental space with an experienced, pro-choice therapist?
