Neurodivergent Grief and Trauma: Could EMDR Therapy Work for You?
EMDR Therapy: A Supportive Approach for Neurodivergent Individuals
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy is a well-recognized and effective treatment for trauma and other upsetting life experiences.
It's a structured and effective way to help process difficult memories.
EMDR therapy can be especially helpful for neurodivergent individuals, such as those with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) or Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).
It's important to know that EMDR therapy can and should be adjusted for each person and their individual way of understanding the world.
Understanding EMDR Therapy: What It Is
EMDR therapy has eight clear steps designed to help you work through and heal from the emotional impact of challenging events in your life.
It involves identifying specific upsetting memories, paying attention to the thoughts and feelings connected to them, and then doing something called bilateral stimulation. This usually involves moving your eyes from side to side, but can also be tapping or listening to sounds.
This process is thought to help your brain handle these memories in a healthier way, making the emotions feel less intense and helping you see things from a different perspective.
Neurodiversity: Different Ways of Thinking
The word "neurodiversity" acknowledges that people's brains can (and should!!) work, process, integrate and connect in many different ways.
It recognizes that differences like autism, ADHD, and others are natural variations in how our brains are set up. We aren’t saying “differently-abeled” - we are saying difference is there, let’s acknowledge and work with it vs calling it a disorder.
Thinking about neurodiversity means understanding that these differences are. not. problems.
How EMDR Therapy Can Be a Good Fit for Neurodivergent Individuals
Neurodivergent individuals, just like everyone else, can experience difficult or traumatic events. Because EMDR therapy is structured but can also be changed to fit each person, it can be a helpful and respectful way to support healing:
Clear Steps for Processing Trauma: EMDR offers a clear, step-by-step way to process the emotional impact of traumatic experiences. This can be very useful for neurodivergent individuals who may have faced specific challenges like bullying, misunderstandings in social situations, or feeling overwhelmed by their senses, which can be upsetting.
Helping with Anxiety: Anxiety often happens alongside neurodivergence. EMDR can help reduce feelings of anxiety and address specific fears in a way that respects how each person experiences things.
Supporting Emotional Regulation: EMDR can help you understand and manage strong emotions that might come up from past events or current stress. It provides a clear structure for working through these feelings in a safe way.
Building Self-Confidence and Acceptance: By working through negative beliefs about yourself that might have developed because of how others reacted to your neurodivergence, EMDR can help you feel more self-accepting and kinder to yourself.
Addressing Social Anxiety Respectfully: For neurodivergent individuals who feel anxious in social situations, EMDR can help process negative past social experiences and create more positive feelings about social interactions, without expecting you to act like someone you're not.
Navigating Changes in Life: Big changes in life can sometimes be felt more intensely by neurodivergent individuals. EMDR can offer support in processing the emotions and worries that come with these transitions.
Understanding Common Questions About EMDR and Neurodivergence
It's normal to have questions about EMDR therapy, especially if you are neurodivergent.
Sometimes, people worry that the process might be too much. One common worry is about sensory sensitivities. The idea of focusing on eye movements or other bilateral stimulation might sound overwhelming.
However, it's important to know that EMDR can be changed a lot to fit you.
A therapist who understands neurodiversity will work closely with you to make the experience right for your specific needs and comfort.
Here are some important ways we can adjust EMDR:
Different Ways to Stimulate: Instead of just eye movements, we can use gentle tapping with your hands or listen to tones through headphones if that feels better for you.
Adjusting the Pace: We will always change the speed and how strong the stimulation is to make sure it feels comfortable for you.
Predictable and Calm Environment: We will make sure the therapy room is calm and predictable. You will always be able to take breaks if you need them. The goal is to make the therapy space feel safe and manageable for your unique sensory system.
Another common question is whether neurodivergent individuals might find it hard to do EMDR.
While it's true that neurodivergent individuals might understand information and emotions differently, EMDR's focus on what you experience directly, rather than talking a lot about it, can actually be a good thing.
It can help you connect with and process feelings through what your body feels, which can be helpful if you have trouble naming your emotions.
The clear structure of EMDR can also make it feel more predictable, and we will always go at a pace that feels right for you.
Overall, with an approach that is made just for you and a pace that respects how you process things, EMDR can be a helpful and respectful way for neurodivergent individuals to heal and grow.
Important Things to Consider When Adapting EMDR for Neurodivergent Clients
The key to making EMDR work well is that it can be changed and adapted to each person.
We will…
Change the Steps (if necessary): The usual EMDR steps can be changed to better fit what feels comfortable and how neurodivergent clients process information. This might mean using tapping or sounds instead of eye movements, making the sets shorter, and taking breaks more often.
Stay Aware of Sensory Needs: Making the therapy room predictable and comfortable, paying attention to things like lighting and sounds, and giving you choices about what you experience with your senses is important to help you feel safe and calm.
Use Clear and Simple Communication: Using clear, simple language, showing you visuals if that helps, and being very clear about what will happen can make things easier to understand and build trust. Therapists should also pay attention to how you prefer to communicate.
Work Together and Make it Personal: Therapy should be a partnership where your thoughts and preferences are very important. Treatment plans need to be made just for you, based on your own experiences, strengths, and goals.
Respect How You Process Things: It's important to take enough time for you to process things and not rush through the therapy steps. Neurodivergent individuals might process information and emotions at a different speed, and this should be respected.
How EMDR Therapy Can Help Different Neurodivergent Experiences
EMDR therapy can offer unique support for some of the common challenges that individuals with autism and ADHD often face:
For Individuals on the Autism Spectrum:
Working Through Social Challenges: Social situations can be hard to navigate, and past misunderstandings, being bullied, or feeling left out can have a big impact. EMDR can help process the emotions from these experiences, helping you feel more accepting of yourself and stronger.
Managing Sensory Overload: While EMDR doesn't directly fix sensory sensitivities, it can help process the worry and emotional distress that can happen when you feel overwhelmed by your senses.
Dealing with Changes: Changes in routines or surroundings can be particularly difficult. EMDR can help process the worry and uncertainty that come with these transitions.
For Individuals with ADHD:
Helping with Strong Emotions: ADHD can sometimes involve intense emotions and trouble managing them. EMDR can provide a way to process these feelings and learn better ways to cope.
Processing Feelings of Shame or Not Being Good Enough: Past experiences with school or social situations related to ADHD symptoms can lead to negative feelings about yourself. EMDR can help you rethink these feelings and build a stronger sense of self-worth.
Reducing Anxiety About Getting Things Done: Trouble with attention, organization, and planning can cause anxiety. EMDR can help process the emotional impact of these challenges and build more confidence in your abilities.
Important Note: Remember that everyone who is neurodivergent is different, and how well EMDR works will vary from person to person.
It's key to work with a therapist who knows about neurodiversity and is willing to change their approach to fit your needs.
Understanding and Helping with Alexithymia in EMDR Therapy
Alexithymia, which means having trouble identifying and describing emotions, is more common in neurodivergent individuals.
This can be something to think about in EMDR therapy, which often involves focusing on emotional reactions to memories.
However, a therapist who is skilled in EMDR can change their approach to work well with clients who experience alexithymia:
Focusing on Body Feelings: Instead of just talking about emotions, the therapist can help you notice what your body is feeling, as this can be connected to the memory. EMDR can still work even if you mainly understand and process things through your body.
Using Pictures and Scales: Tools like feeling thermometers or picture scales can help you show how you are feeling inside, even if you have trouble finding the right words.
Taking Things Slower: Going through the memory in smaller pieces can give you more time to connect with what you are experiencing inside.
Paying Attention to Thoughts: While emotions are important in EMDR, noticing how your thoughts and beliefs change during the process can also show that you are making progress, even if you don't name many emotions.
Building Emotion Words: Over time, the therapist can gently help you learn more words for your emotions by connecting your body feelings and experiences to those words, but without making you feel pressured to express emotions in a way that doesn't feel natural.
Beyond Words: How EMDR Can Help When Talking About Feelings is Hard
For many neurodivergent individuals, understanding and talking about feelings can sometimes feel like navigating a maze.
You might experience emotions deeply but find it challenging to identify them with specific labels or articulate them in a way that feels right.
This is a common experience, sometimes referred to as alexithymia, and it simply means having difficulty identifying and describing emotions.
If you find that "talking about your feelings" in therapy feels like trying to grasp smoke, EMDR therapy offers a different and potentially more accessible path to healing from trauma and grief.
While we absolutely value your words and experiences in EMDR, the process also recognizes that emotions are often held and expressed in the body.
Here's how EMDR can be particularly supportive when putting feelings into words is difficult:
Tuning into Body Sensations: In EMDR, we often focus on what you notice in your body as you bring a memory or distressing event to mind. Instead of solely relying on you telling me "I feel sad," we might explore sensations like tightness in your chest, a knot in your stomach, or a feeling of heaviness. These physical sensations can be direct expressions of the emotions connected to the experience.
Processing Without Extensive Verbalization: The bilateral stimulation in EMDR (like eye movements, tapping, or sounds) is thought to help your brain process the emotional charge of memories even if you aren't able to fully articulate the feeling. It's like your brain can work through the experience on a deeper level, sometimes bypassing the need for extensive verbal processing.
A Different Kind of Language: Your body has its own language. Through EMDR, we can learn to understand this language of sensations, postures, and movements as expressions of your grief or trauma. This can be incredibly validating and empowering when words feel inadequate.
Gentle Exploration, No Pressure: There's no pressure in EMDR to suddenly become an expert at naming every feeling. We will gently explore what you notice in your body at a pace that feels comfortable for you. Sometimes, simply acknowledging a sensation is enough for the processing to occur.
Connecting to the Core of the Experience: Trauma and grief are often deeply embodied experiences. EMDR can help you connect with the core of these experiences through your body, allowing for a release of stored tension and emotional energy, even if the full emotional narrative is hard to access verbally.
If you've been hesitant about therapies that heavily rely on talking about feelings, or if you identify with the experience of alexithymia, EMDR might offer a refreshing and effective alternative.
Finding an EMDR Therapist Who Understands Neurodiversity
For neurodivergent individuals thinking about EMDR, it's really important to find a therapist who understands and accepts neurodiversity.
Look for therapists who have specific training or experience working with autistic or ADHD clients and who are open to changing the EMDR process to fit your individual needs.
EMDR: A Helpful and Respectful Therapy
When EMDR therapy is done in a way that understands and supports neurodiversity, it can be a very helpful and empowering therapy for neurodivergent individuals.
By respecting individual differences, changing the process thoughtfully, and understanding things like alexithymia, EMDR can help with deep healing, reduce distress, and support greater self-acceptance and well-being for neurodivergent clients.
If you are neurodivergent and looking for a therapy that works with your unique experiences, EMDR is a good option to consider.
