EMDR Therapy: Negative and Positive Cognitions and How EMDR Can Help With Grief
Grief Sucks
Grief is a natural human response to loss. It can manifest in a wave of emotions – sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, and even numbness.
While time and taking care can help heal the initial pain, some individuals find themselves struggling to move forward.
Unprocessed grief can linger, impacting daily life and relationships.
What is Complicated Grief?
Complicated grief is a condition where intense emotions and pain following a loss persist for months, significantly impacting daily life. Unlike “regular” grief, it hinders the healing process and makes it difficult to live in the present for an extended period of time.
If you're experiencing complicated grief, where the intensity of emotions feels overwhelming or hinders your ability to function, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy can be a powerful tool for healing.
Here are some signs that your grief might be complicated:
Intense and persistent sadness or emotional pain
Preoccupation with the person who died
Feeling numb or disconnected from emotions
Avoiding reminders of the person or the loss
Difficulty accepting the reality of the death
Feeling a sense of hopelessness or despair about the future
Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed
Difficulty trusting others or forming new relationships
Thoughts of suicide or self-harm
If you're experiencing several of these symptoms for more than six months after a loss, it's important to seek professional help.
What Causes Complicated Grief
Sudden or unexpected loss
The sudden death of a loved one, especially if it's accidental or violent, can make it difficult to come to terms with the reality of the loss. Losing someone to suicide is an example. This lack of closure can hinder the grieving process.
Unresolved emotional issues
Pre-existing conflicts or unresolved issues with the deceased can complicate grief. Guilt, anger, or a sense of unfinished business can make it difficult to let go and move forward.
Witnessing the death
Witnessing a traumatic death can be a significant stressor and contribute to complicated grief. The graphic memories and emotional distress can linger and complicate the grieving process.
Loss of a child
The loss of a child is a particularly devastating experience. The natural order of life is disrupted, and parents may struggle to find meaning or purpose in the wake of such a loss.
Mental health conditions
Individuals with pre-existing mental health conditions like depression or anxiety may be more vulnerable to complicated grief. These conditions can exacerbate the emotional pain and make it harder to cope with loss.
Lack of social support
Grief is a social experience, and having a strong support system can be crucial for healing. However, some individuals may lack a strong social network or feel isolated in their grief, hindering their ability to process their emotions and move forward.
Disenfranchised grief
This occurs when societal norms dictate how someone "should" grieve, and the way a person mourns doesn't fit those expectations. For example, losing a pet, a friend who wasn't a close relative, or a spouse in a non-traditional relationship can lead to disenfranchised grief. The lack of validation from others can complicate the grieving process.
It's important to remember that complicated grief is not a personal failing. It's a normal human response to certain situations and circumstances.
If you're struggling with complicated grief, seeking professional help from a therapist can equip you with healthy coping mechanisms and help you navigate the path towards healing.
What is EMDR Therapy?
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is a powerful intervention for healing from past traumas and emotional distress.
It helps you process disturbing memories and associated beliefs through bilateral stimulation techniques, like guided eye movements.
This can weaken the negative emotions tied to the memory and foster a more positive outlook, allowing you to move forward with greater emotional well-being.
What Is A Target Memory in EMDR Therapy?
In EMDR therapy, a target memory refers to a specific memory, event, or experience that is believed to be contributing to a current emotional or psychological difficulty.
These memories often hold strong negative emotions and beliefs that can influence a person's thoughts, behaviors, and overall well-being.
Here are some key characteristics of a target memory in EMDR therapy:
Emotional Intensity: Target memories are typically associated with strong negative emotions like sadness, anger, guilt, fear, or shame.
Repetitive Impact: These memories often resurface involuntarily and can significantly impact a person's present functioning.
Negative Beliefs: Target memories are often linked to negative beliefs about oneself, the world, or the future. These beliefs can be distorted and contribute to emotional distress.
Through a series of techniques, including guided eye movements or other bilateral stimulation, the therapist helps the client process the memory in a safe and controlled environment.
The goal is to weaken the negative emotions and beliefs attached to the memory and develop more adaptive coping mechanisms.
Unraveling the Tangled Web: Negative Cognitions and Complicated Grief
Complicated grief can feel like being stuck in a web of negative emotions and thoughts. These persistent negative beliefs, often rooted in the traumatic experience of loss, act as tangled threads that trap you in the past.
EMDR therapy helps untangle this web by targeting these negative cognitions associated with the memories of your loss.
Let's explore how negative and positive cognitions (aka negative and positive beliefs) play a role in the healing process.
Negative and Positive Cognitions in EMDR Therapy
In EMDR therapy, negative and positive cognitions are core beliefs associated with a specific memory or experience being targeted.
These beliefs play a significant role in how you perceive and respond to the memory and the emotions it triggers.
Negative Cognitions (sometimes called adaptive beliefs):
These are the unhelpful and often distorted beliefs you hold about yourself, the world, and the future stemming from the targeted memory.
They can be self-deprecating ("I'm worthless"), blameful ("It's all my fault"), hopeless ("There's no point in anything anymore"), or negative views of the world ("The world is a completely dangerous place").
Identifying these negative cognitions is crucial because they contribute to the emotional distress associated with the memory.
Positive Cognitions:
These are the healthier and more empowering beliefs you want to develop in place of the negative ones.
They are more realistic and adaptive, offering a more balanced perspective on the situation.
Positive cognitions can be statements about your self-worth ("I am worthy of love and happiness"), your ability to cope ("I can get through this"), or a more positive outlook on the world ("There is good in the world").
The goal of EMDR therapy is to weaken the negative cognitions and strengthen the positive ones, leading to a more balanced emotional response to the memory.
Finding Hope with EMDR Therapy for Grief
Grief is a complex and deeply personal journey. While time and self-care can offer solace, some individuals find themselves entangled in complicated grief.
This intense and persistent emotional state can feel overwhelming and isolating.
However, there is hope. EMDR therapy offers a powerful tool for processing the underlying emotional pain and negative beliefs associated with your loss. By targeting specific memories and replacing limiting beliefs with more empowering ones, EMDR can help you untangle the web of grief and move forward with a renewed sense of peace and acceptance.
Please, please remember, you are not alone in your grief.
If you're struggling, seeking professional help from a therapist trained in EMDR can equip you with the tools and support you need to navigate the path towards healing.
Taking that first step can empower you to honor your loved one's memory while embracing the possibility of joy and fulfillment in the chapters to come.
If you’re interested in exploring if EMDR therapy for grief is right for you, reach out today and schedule a free consultation call with me. Together, we can create a plan that helps you honor your loss while reconnecting with your world.
Sometimes, the only thing we have left to remember our loved one is our grief, and EMDR therapy can help us keep the connection to our loved one and plug back into our life.
