An Open Letter To The Friends and Family of Men with Trauma, from a Trauma Therapist
Dear anyone who cares about a man with PTSD or struggling with trauma —
If you are reading this, it is likely that you are a friend or family member of a man who is struggling with PTSD or trauma.
You want to help them. I want to start by saying that you are not alone. There are many people who care about this man and want to help him.
I'm writing this letter to shed light on the experiences of the men in your lives who are dealing with PTSD and trauma.
It's important to understand the unique challenges they face and how you can provide support during their healing journey.
First and foremost, please remember that their struggles are real and valid.
PTSD can have a profound impact on their mental and emotional well-being, affecting their daily lives, relationships, and overall quality of life. It may manifest in various ways, such as mood swings, irritability, withdrawal, or difficulty expressing emotions.
Recognize that these behaviors are often symptoms of their condition and not personal attacks.
Be patient and understanding. Healing from trauma takes time, and the process can be complex and non-linear. There may (WILL) be good days and bad days. Your consistent presence, empathy, and support will make a significant difference. Listen without judgment, offer a safe space for them to share their feelings, and validate their experiences.
Educate yourself about PTSD and trauma.
Understanding the condition can help you better comprehend the challenges they face. Learn about triggers, coping mechanisms, and available resources. This knowledge will enable you to provide informed support and recognize when professional help may be necessary.
Encourage them to seek professional help.
Therapy can be a critical component of their recovery journey.
Encourage them to explore therapy options and assist in finding a licensed therapist experienced in trauma treatment. Offer to accompany them to appointments or help with practical matters if needed.
Avoid minimizing or dismissing their experiences.
It's essential to refrain from phrases like "snap out of it" or "just move on."
Trauma affects individuals on a profound level, and healing requires time, understanding, and professional guidance.
Offer reassurance that you are there to support them through the ups and downs, especially the downs.
It is important to remember that men with PTSD are not weak or crazy. They are simply people who have been through a very difficult experience. With support, they can recover and lead full and productive lives.
Be patient with their triggers and boundaries. Trauma can lead to heightened sensitivity and triggers that may cause distressing reactions.
Patience, empathy, and open communication will help establish trust and foster a sense of safety.
Encourage self-care and healthy coping strategies. Support their efforts to engage in activities that promote their well-being, such as exercise, relaxation techniques, hobbies, or spending time in nature. Encourage them to seek healthy coping mechanisms rather than turning to substances or other harmful behaviors.
If you are close to a man who is struggling with PTSD, it is important to be supportive and understanding. It is also important to remember that you cannot "fix" him. The best thing you can do is to be there for him and help him to get the treatment he needs.
Here are some things you can do to support a man with PTSD:
Listen to him. Let him talk about his trauma without judgment.
Be patient. Recovery from PTSD takes time.
Encourage him to get help. If he is not already in therapy, encourage him to seek treatment.
Be there for him. Let him know that you care about him and that you are there for him no matter what.
Above all, remind them that they are not alone.
Assure them that you are there to support and stand by them throughout their healing process.
Offer your presence, compassion, and understanding. Celebrate their victories, no matter how small, and remind them of their strength and resilience.
Remember, supporting a man with PTSD requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to learn. Here are three unique ways you can provide support:
Create a Safe and Non-Judgmental Environment: Foster an environment where your friend feels safe to express their thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment. Listen attentively, validate their experiences, and avoid offering unsolicited advice. Let them know that you are there to support them unconditionally and that their feelings are valid.
Offer Practical Assistance: Help alleviate some of the practical burdens in their life. Offer to accompany them to therapy appointments or assist in researching treatment options. Help with household chores, errands, or childcare responsibilities, especially during challenging times when their symptoms may be more intense. By providing practical support, you can lighten their load and allow them to focus on their healing.
Encourage Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Support your friend in adopting and maintaining healthy coping mechanisms. Engage in activities together that promote relaxation, stress reduction, and self-care. Encourage them to explore therapeutic activities such as art, music, exercise, or spending time in nature. Participate in these activities with them to provide companionship and motivation.
Remember, supporting someone with PTSD is an ongoing process. Be patient, understanding, and flexible as their needs may change over time. Maintain open lines of communication, respect their boundaries, and encourage them to seek professional help when needed.
Your role as a friend or family member is crucial in their journey towards healing and recovery. By offering your unwavering support, you can make a significant impact and help them reclaim their lives.
With heartfelt appreciation,
Carly E. Pollack
LCSW & Trauma Therapist
