The Best Advice You Could Ever Get About Distress Intolerance
A common human experience is to reject, suppress, avoid or ignore feelings that are considered “unacceptable.” Often these feelings fall into the categories of: mad, sad, and scared.
Anything we do to move towards comfort or balance might become problematic if it becomes over relied upon. Our defense mechanisms come up when we try to resolve cognitive dissonance, the experience of internal turmoil because our reality doesn’t match what we think it should.
We might need to ignore the feeling of rejection that is bubbling up inside us during a presentation at work, but if we continue to ignore it, eventually, it will show up in our body or behavior. Most likely, during the time that our mind is calm and we’d like to relax, or, right before we hope to drift to sleep.
When we spend so much of our energy on struggling against, avoiding and fearing distress, the intensity of the distress grows due to our avoidance and fear.
Strange, right, when we have so much emphasis on controlling our emotions and “staying cool.”
How do we know if we are intolerant to distress? Notice if you tend to avoid or say no to opportunities that could create distress. Notice if any of these statements run through your mind when you notice fear, sadness, embarrassment, or anger:
“I shouldn’t be feeling this”
“I will feel this (feeling) forever.”
“I have to get rid of this feeling!”
“I’m going to go crazy/lose it/spiral out of control.”
“It’s wrong or bad to feel like this.”
The Centre for Clinical Interventions (Western Australia) has some amazing resources and a workbook with modules for facing your feelings and overcoming distress. Find the resources here.
Distress Intolerance: What to do?
Distress intolerance is a condition in which people have difficulty tolerating negative emotions and experiences. They may have an exaggerated emotional response to stress or discomfort, and they may be more likely to avoid or escape from these situations.
If you are struggling with distress intolerance, there are a few things you can do to help yourself.
Identify your triggers. What are the things that tend to trigger your distress? Once you know your triggers, you can start to develop strategies for coping with them.
Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention to the present moment without judgment. It can be a helpful way to manage distress, as it can help you to focus on the here and now and to let go of worries about the past or the future.
Challenge your thoughts. When you are feeling distressed, it is common to have negative thoughts about yourself or the situation. It is important to challenge these thoughts and to ask yourself if they are really true.
Seek professional help. If you are struggling to manage your distress, it is important to seek professional help. A therapist can help you to develop coping mechanisms and to understand the root of your distress.
Here are some additional tips for managing distress intolerance:
Get enough sleep. When you are well-rested, you are better able to cope with stress.
Eat a healthy diet. Eating nutritious foods gives you the energy you need to deal with difficult situations.
Exercise regularly. Exercise is a great way to relieve stress and improve your mood.
Spend time with loved ones. Social support can help you to feel better during difficult times.
Do things you enjoy. Make time for activities that make you happy, such as reading, listening to music, or spending time in nature.
It is important to remember that you are not alone. Many people struggle with distress intolerance. There are effective treatments available, and you can learn to manage your distress and live a full and happy life.
