What They Didn’t Teach Us About Grief in School [Men’s Mental Health]

Greif is really fucking hard.

Grief is the response to profound loss. It involves a range of physical, emotional, and psychological responses that can affect an individual's overall well-being.

From a biological perspective, grief is a complex process that involves multiple physiological and neurological systems. When you experience grief, your body undergoes a series of changes, including changes in hormone levels, neurotransmitter activity, and immune function.

Grief can be a response to losing someone to death or drugs/alcohol, a life transition, trauma (such as an assault or car accident), losing a job, divorce/breakup, or receiving a major diagnosis. We can feel grief for many different reasons.

Grief is a normal and healthy process, but it can also be very difficult to cope with. There are many biological changes that occur during grief, including:

• Changes in the brain: The brain releases stress hormones, such as cortisol, in response to loss. These hormones can lead to changes in mood, sleep, appetite, and energy levels.

• Changes in the immune system: Grief can weaken the immune system, making it more difficult to fight off infection.

• Changes in the cardiovascular system: Grief can increase the risk of heart disease, stroke, and high blood pressure.

• Changes in the digestive system: Grief can lead to indigestion, diarrhea, and constipation.

• Changes in the reproductive system: Grief can disrupt menstruation and make it more difficult to get pregnant.

But, why? Why does grief exist?

Research has shown that grief can trigger the release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, which can lead to physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, and digestive problems. Grief can also activate the immune system, leading to inflammation and a weakened immune response.

At the same time, grief can also lead to changes in brain activity, with different regions of the brain involved in processing emotions, memories, and social interactions. This can result in changes in mood, behavior, and cognitive function.

Working with a competent and trained therapist can help address these changes and get back to life.

Why else? What is the purpose of grief?

• To help us cope with loss. Grief is a natural response to loss. It helps us to process our emotions and to begin to heal.

• To help us connect with others. Grief can be a very isolating experience. By talking to others who are grieving, we can feel less alone and more supported.

• To help us learn and grow. Grief can be a powerful teacher. It can help us to appreciate the people in our lives, to make the most of every moment, and to live our lives to the fullest.

• To help us find meaning in life. Grief can help us to find meaning in life by showing us the importance of love, relationships, and connection.

Grief is a difficult experience, but it can also be a transformative one.

By allowing yourself to grieve, you can learn and grow from your loss and come out stronger on the other side.

How does grief affect men?

Grief is a human experience. However, social conditions have affected the way men and women grieve. Here are some unique ways that men experience grief:

• Social expectations: Men may feel societal pressure to appear strong and stoic in the face of grief, and may therefore be more likely to suppress their emotions and avoid seeking support from others. Men may withdraw from others. They may not want to talk about their grief or they may feel like they are a burden to others.

• Expressing emotions: Men may struggle with expressing their emotions in the same way that women do, and may find it more difficult to talk about their feelings or cry openly. Men may become angry or aggressive. This is one way for them to express their pain and frustration.

• Coping mechanisms: Men may be more likely to turn to substance abuse or other unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as overworking or withdrawing from social interactions, rather than seeking help or support. Men may try to numb their pain. Men may engage in risky or destructive behaviors. This could include using alcohol, drugs, or other substances.

• Identity: Grief can challenge a man's sense of identity, particularly if their role in life, such as being a provider or caregiver, is significantly impacted by the loss.

• Relationship dynamics: Men may have different dynamics in their relationships with their partners, family, and friends, which can affect how they experience grief. For example, men may feel the need to protect their partners or children from their emotions, which can make it difficult to communicate and connect with them during the grieving process.

• Avoidance. Men may avoid thinking about or feeling their grief. This is a way for them to cope with the pain of loss, but it is not helpful in the long-run.

It's important to note that not all men will experience grief in these ways, and that there is no one "right" way to grieve. Everyone's experience of grief is unique and individual, and it's important to seek support and help when needed.

So, how do you overcome grief?

• Talk to someone you trust. This could be a friend, family member, therapist, or grief counselor. Talking about your grief can help you to process your emotions and to feel less alone.

• Find healthy ways to cope with your grief. This could include exercise, journaling, spending time in nature, or listening to music.

• Give yourself time. Grief is a process, and it takes time to heal. Don't pressure yourself to “get over it” quickly.

• Allow yourself to grieve. It's okay to cry, feel angry, or be sad. Don't try to bottle up your emotions.

• Remember the good times. It's important to remember the good times.

• Don't be afraid to ask for help. If you're struggling to cope with your grief, please reach out for help. There are many people who care about you and want to help you heal.

• Try not to avoid. It seems natural to use avoidance to not think about, talk about, or feel the difficult feelings involved with grief. Get into therapy, EMDR, Brainspotting, or other trauma processing therapy, ASAP.

How can Brainspotting Therapy help with your grief?

Brainspotting therapy is a type of psychotherapy that uses eye movements to help people access and process traumatic memories and emotions. It has been shown to be effective in treating a variety of mental health conditions, including anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Brainspotting therapy can be helpful for grief because it can help people to process the emotional pain of loss and to move on with their lives. During a brainspotting session, the therapist will help the client to identify a specific memory or emotion that is related to their grief. The therapist will then guide the client's eye movements to a specific spot on the body, called a brainspot. This helps the client to access the memory or emotion more fully and to begin to process it.

For men, brainspotting therapy can be particularly helpful because it allows them to access and process emotions that may be difficult to express or talk about. Brainspotting therapy can help men feel more comfortable exploring their emotions, and can provide a safe and supportive environment in which to do so.

Here are some of the benefits of Brainspotting therapy for grief:

• It can help you to access and process your emotions more fully.

• It can help you to release the pain of loss.

• It can help you to move on with your life.

• It is a safe and gentle process.

Over time, brainspotting therapy can help men better understand and process their grief, leading to a greater sense of emotional well-being and a greater ability to cope with the loss.

It can also help you develop healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with grief, and can provide you with the tools you need to move forward with your life in a positive and meaningful way.

How can EMDR Therapy help you deal with your grief?

EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a type of psychotherapy that has been found to be effective in treating a wide range of emotional issues, including grief. EMDR therapy can be particularly helpful for men because it is a nonverbal therapy that doesn't rely on talking about emotions, which some men may find uncomfortable or challenging.

EMDR therapy can be a helpful way for men to deal with grief. It is a type of therapy that helps people to process traumatic memories and emotions. EMDR therapy can help men to:

• Access and process their emotions more fully.

• Release the pain of loss.

• Move on with their lives.

For men, EMDR therapy can be a helpful tool for dealing with grief because it provides a structured and focused way to process and integrate emotions. EMDR therapy can help men feel more comfortable exploring their emotions, and can provide a safe and supportive environment in which to do so.

By addressing the underlying emotional issues associated with grief, EMDR therapy can help men feel more in control of their emotions and better equipped to cope with the loss.

Grief is a natural response to loss, but it can be difficult to cope with on your own, especially for men who may feel societal pressure to appear strong and stoic.

However, Brainspotting and EMDR can help men process and cope with grief. Brainspotting therapy can help you access and process emotions that may be difficult to express or talk about, while EMDR therapy can provide a structured and focused way to process and integrate emotions.

Both of these therapies can help men develop healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with grief and provide them with the tools they need to move forward with their lives in a positive and meaningful way.

It's important for you to seek individualized support, as everyone's experience of grief is different. Consider individual trauma therapy with a licensed and experienced therapist.

Carly Pollack, LCSW (CO, CA & VA)