Online Therapy for Trauma and Grief: A Guide to Your First Session with Carly Pollack
You're here because something hasn't been right, and you're tired of wondering if it will feel this way forever.
Whether you've never reached out for help before or you've tried with little change, you've taken a courageous step.
The search for a therapist can feel heavy and confusing and I want to honor the energy you’ve put into it.
Maybe you're reading this because you've already had our free phone consultation.
Maybe you're still exploring your options to make the best decision for your needs.
Wherever you are in this process, I want to give you a clear picture of what you can expect from my side of the computer. My goal is to make this process as transparent and comfortable as possible so you know exactly what to expect from our very first meeting to our last.
This guide is for you.
Finding the Right Fit: The Phone Consultation
Before we schedule our first official online therapy session, we’ll have a 15-20 minute phone consultation.
I believe a great therapeutic fit is essential for healing and this call is designed for us to see if we're a good match.
It’s not a mini-therapy session. It’s a chance for us to get to know each other, to see if my approach aligns with your needs, and for you to ask me any questions you have.
It’s a low-pressure way to see if we click and if my expertise is what you're looking for.
During this call, we’ll discuss what you're looking for, your needs, and how I might be able to help with your grief and trauma.
My focus is on providing specialized trauma care for women and I wouldn’t be able to do that effectively if I tried to be an expert in every area.
I am not an eating disorder specialist, a couples therapist, or a therapist for teens or kids.
Although I am antiracist and work with my own biases and internalized racism, homophobia and mysogyny, I bring the life experience of a straight, cis, white woman to my work and that shapes my perspective.
It is important that you feel seen and understood so if I don’t feel like a good fit for you based on identity, that's completely valid and important.
If we realize that I’m not the best person to support you—either because your needs are outside my scope of practice or you just don't feel a connection—I will happily refer you to a trusted therapist in my network who can better meet your needs.
It's a great outcome to discover we're not a good fit at this stage, as it brings you one step closer to getting the care you deserve. There are no hard feelings in these situations.
My main priority is to help you find the right support.
Logistics & Preparation for Your Virtual Therapy Session
If we decide to move forward, we'll schedule our first appointment, which is a 75-minute intake session. After that, regular sessions will be 50 minutes.
I can typically see new clients within two weeks so you won’t have to wait long.
After our phone call, I'll send you an email with a link to my secure client portal.
Through this portal, you'll complete a few intake documents before our first virtual counseling session, which include:
Consents to Treatment and Privacy Policies: These documents ensure you understand your rights and the confidential nature of our work together. They also explain my policies and what you can expect from me. This is all about making sure you feel informed and respected.
A Questionnaire: This helps me gather a basic understanding of your history, your current situation, and what you hope to get out of therapy. It gives us a foundation to start our conversation without you having to recall every detail on the spot. This allows us to use our first session to talk about what’s most important to you, not just fill out paperwork.
A Credit Card Authorization Form: You can securely store a credit, debit, or HSA/FSA card in the portal. Payment is collected after each session.
I maintain firm boundaries around payment and cancellations to sustain my practice and model clear, direct communication.
For late cancellations (less than 24 hours), the full session amount is charged. I find that being clear and direct about these things from the start creates a strong and trustworthy container for our work together.
A consistent container allows you to focus on your healing, knowing the boundaries are firm and dependable.
My practice is entirely online through a secure video link. I use a HIPAA-compliant platform via Psychology Today. The link to our session will be in the email you receive confirming your appointment time. The link is permanent so you can bookmark it and use it for all future sessions.
To make the most of your virtual counseling session, I encourage you to find a private and comfortable space where you won't be interrupted. A quiet room, a pair of headphones, and a glass of water can make a big difference in helping you feel present and focused.
Your First Intake Session: What to Expect
Our first counseling session is a 75-minute intake session. This extended time allows us to go at a slow and steady pace.
We'll start with a tech check to make sure our connection is good and that you can hear and see me without issues. Then, we will begin our conversation.
It's completely normal to feel nervous.
This is not a sign that you've made the wrong decision. Instead, it’s a natural response to being vulnerable and opening up.
The goal of this session is not to fix everything, but to create a welcoming and trustworthy space for us to begin building a relationship and for you to start feeling out if I am the right person to help you.
It's a chance for you to see what it feels like to be with me, to experience my style, and to get a sense of the work we could do together.
Our Conversation
The intake session allows us to take a deeper dive into your history, your goals, and how the trauma is impacting you. I will ask questions to get a sense of your life—including your support system, past coping mechanisms, and what brings you joy and fun. I believe therapy isn't just about what's negative, it’s also about building on your strengths and celebrating your moments of joy.
The Pace is Yours
You are always in control of what we discuss. It's not necessary or helpful to recount a traumatic event in detail, especially during the first session, if doing so would overwhelm you. I will often use phrases like, “I invite you to…” or “I’m curious about…” to give you full control over the pace and depth of our conversation. You are the expert on your own experience. My role is to be a curious partner on your journey.
A Somatic & Trauma-Informed Approach
My approach is client-centered, trauma-informed, and relational.
This means I believe that the wisdom and power you need to heal is already inside of you. My job is to help you access it. I am not a "blank slate" therapist. I am a real person and I use humor and honesty to help us connect.
Because I am a somatic therapist, you'll hear me ask about your body and physical sensations. This might feel strange at first, as it’s not something many people are used to doing.
We will work together to build your knowledge, insight, and tolerance for recognizing and feeling emotions in your body. We know that trauma is stored in the body, not just the mind, so connecting to your physical self is a key part of the healing process.
This is what we call a "bottom-up" approach. Instead of just talking about your thoughts, we work with the body and the nervous system to release the stored trauma.
I specialize in powerful, evidence-based modalities like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), Brainspotting, and IFS (Internal Family Systems).
These therapies work with your brain and body to release trauma, not just with your thoughts.
They go beyond traditional talk therapy and can help you process and integrate traumatic memories in a way that reduces their emotional charge.
We can discuss these tools more in our intake session and see if they feel like a good fit for you. EMDR uses bilateral stimulation to help your brain reprocess distressing memories. Brainspotting uses a similar principle but with specific eye positions to access and process trauma in the subcortical brain.
IFS helps us understand that the mind is composed of various "parts" and a core Self, allowing us to get to know and heal the wounded parts that have been burdened by trauma. The key is that these are not about reliving the past.
They are about allowing your brain and body to finally let it go.
What I Expect from You
Therapy is a collaborative process, and your participation is key.
During our online therapy sessions, I expect you to:
Show up for yourself. This means being honest with yourself and with me. You can show up messy, quiet, angry, or joyful—it's all welcome here. Showing up for yourself is the most important part of this work.
Be patient with yourself. Healing is not a race, and there will be good days and hard days. My hope is that you will treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend.
Communicate your needs. Tell me if something feels off, if you need to slow down, or if you don't understand something. Your feedback is valuable and helps me be a better therapist for you.
What You Can Expect from Me
In our sessions, you can expect me to be:
Authentic and Straight Up (with Smiles). I'm direct and honest. I won't tell you "it's gonna be OK" or "forgive them!" I'll probably make expressive faces and use humor to build our connection. I believe in direct communication and being a real person in the room with you.
Curious and Collaborative. I don't have all the answers. I genuinely want to learn about your story and your way of seeing the world. I'll partner with you to help you connect with your inner wisdom.
Active and Prepared. I don't just sit there and nod. I will lead our sessions when necessary, and I always come prepared with notes and reflections. I am committed to making sure you get your money's worth and feel like our time together is productive and meaningful.
Committed to My Own Growth. I have my own therapist and supervisors, and I consult regularly with peers to ensure I'm providing you with the best possible care. I won't ever overshare or tell you things that make you feel like you have to care for me. My personal growth helps me be a good trauma therapist for you.
Non-judgmental. Suicidal thoughts are welcome here, as are "taboo" topics like sex, drugs, fantasy, and money. Your whole self is appreciated—the good, the bad, and the perfectly ugly. There's a gentle and welcoming place to explore everything.
Common Questions & Answers
Many people have questions before starting therapy and that’s a good thing.
Here are a few common ones you might be wondering about:
Q: Do I have to talk about what happened?
A: No. You are always in control of the pace and what we discuss. The goal of trauma therapy isn't to re-traumatize you by forcing you to relive painful memories. My approach is to help you heal the nervous system dysregulation caused by the trauma, which can often be done without ever needing to tell the full story.
Q: How long will this take?
A: I can't give you a set number of sessions, as everyone's healing journey is unique. That said, most clients begin to feel progress and noticeable relief soon after we begin our work together.
Q: What should I be doing between sessions?
A: I'll often suggest simple, actionable tools and strategies that you can start using right away. This might include things like grounding exercises or paying attention to your body’s sensations. These are not "homework" but rather invitations to practice self-awareness and self-care.
Q: Is it okay if I cry in our session?
A: Yes, absolutely. All emotions are welcome in our space. Your feelings are a guide and I will hold a compassionate container for you to express them without judgment.
Q: What if I don't feel comfortable talking about a specific memory?
A: That is completely fine. We will never go somewhere you aren't ready to go. The goal of trauma therapy isn't to force you to confront things head-on. We can work around the edges of a memory, using the somatic and nervous system-based tools I mentioned. We'll work on your present-day symptoms and build your capacity to handle difficult feelings without ever needing to directly tell the story. Your comfort is a top priority.
Q: How is online therapy different from in-person therapy?
A: The main difference is the physical location. The therapeutic relationship, the tools we use, and the commitment to your healing are the exact same. Many people find online therapy to be even more comfortable and effective because they are in their own home, a place where they can feel more at ease. This also eliminates the stress of commuting and having to find a babysitter, making it more accessible and convenient.
Q: What if I have a crisis or need immediate help?
A: As a virtual counseling practice, I am not equipped to handle emergencies or crisis situations. If you are in immediate distress or feel you are in danger, you should call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. I will provide you with a list of crisis resources and hotlines that you can call when needed. We will also discuss this more in our first session to make sure you have a plan in place.
Q: How will I know if I am making progress?
A: Progress in therapy looks different for everyone. It's not always about big, dramatic changes. It can be a subtle shift. It might be a smaller reaction to a trigger, a moment of joy that lasts a little longer, or an easier time falling asleep. We will check in regularly on your goals and how you're feeling so we can track your progress together.
Ready to Begin? Your Next Step Toward Healing
As you close out of our first online therapy session, you will hopefully feel a sense of pride.
You've taken the first, most courageous step toward a more peaceful life.
The work to reclaim your sense of self, your joy, and your peace starts with you.
If you're ready to take the next step on your healing journey, I’m here with support. Take a chance - stop carrying the weight of the past and start living fully in your present.
Click here to schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation.
