A Trauma Therapist Answers Your Questions: From Recovery to Replanting
A few weeks ago, I decided to log onto Reddit and make a post.
I put myself out there, asking folks what questions or wonderings they have about trauma, recovery, and healing. I was not sure what to expect.
Would they be upset with me, a therapist, knowing that many people have bad experiences with our profession? Would they share deeply personal accounts and ask the dreaded question, "What should I do?"
What I found was that the questions were lovely, honest, and came straight from the heart. They were a testament to the fact that people are doing the hard work of healing and want to learn more.
This post is dedicated to them. I have selected a few of the most impactful questions to share and provide answers from my clinical background.
Please note: The information in this post is for educational purposes only and should not be considered mental health treatment. This is not a substitute for getting one-on-one therapy from a trained and skilled therapist.
1. The Garden of Recovery: From Clearing the Weeds to Planting New Seeds
Question: "How do you grow as a person on the other side of recovery, especially in relationships? I had bad C-PTSD from child abuse and growing up in a cult. I did a ton of therapy and EMDR, and it worked. I no longer have C-PTSD.
However, given my background, I have what I would call 'failure to thrive' in the outside, adult world. I am still figuring out my tolerances for activity and events and other people and 'normal.' It was like I left a whole culture behind, with different customs and expectations and ways of being, and I struggle to know what fits me, especially with work and what I'll accept from other people. I imagine it like a garden—I dug out all the rocks and weeds and poisonous plants. It's fresh earth. But that's not a garden. I've got to plant new stuff now, and that's a different skill set—pick the plants, plant them, cultivate. I don't know how to do that side as well."
Response: First, I want to acknowledge how incredible it is that you have done the deep, difficult work to move through your C-PTSD. That is an enormous accomplishment. Your garden metaphor is so powerful because you are exactly right. You are standing in fresh earth, and now it's about learning the skill set of planting and cultivating new life. It sounds like you are already growing insight—and now the question is what to do with it?
The next phase of healing is often about self-exploration and self-reflection.
This is the method of evaluating and analyzing your life so that you can begin to ask yourself, "Am I in alignment with who I am now?" Here are a few ways to start planting those new seeds.
Explore your values. You can find exercises and modules all over the internet to help with this. Sit comfortably and walk through the resources, identifying what is most important to you now. Values are tied to childhood, family, culture, and trauma, so this work can bring up strong emotions. But to put it simply, values exploration is about identifying where your values came from and evaluating how in alignment you are living with them today.
Reflect on moments of authenticity. Take time to journal, talk out loud, or even paint about situations where you felt most yourself. When did you feel most alive, most at peace, most connected? When you identify those situations, dive into what made them feel so right. Was it a particular person, a specific activity, or a feeling of safety and freedom?
Reconnect with your body. C-PTSD often messes with your ability to feel present and safe in your body. Now that you have done the deep work, it is time to explore your body and get to know what you like. This could include knowing if you like to be touched and the best way to receive that touch. It could mean learning if you enjoy exercise, stretching, or dancing, and then doing these things you love. This phase is about learning to trust the wisdom of your body.
Continue setting and maintaining your boundaries. This is a skill you have likely been building in recovery, but now it is about refining it. You have to set boundaries not just with others, but also with yourself. This creates a clear sense of what you will and will not accept in your life.
Grow your self-trust. Self-trust is a skill you practice, not an emotion you simply feel. Start by making a small promise to yourself and following through. I will brush my teeth twice a day. I will open a window to let in some colder air in the morning. I will say one nice thing about myself every day. Following through on these small promises shows yourself that you can count on you.
You have done so much hard work, and you deserve to live a life that feels authentic and aligned with the person you have become. You've got this.
2. Healing When the Harm Came from a Healer
Question: "How do you heal when the core of your trauma was caused by mental health professionals? To get help means being highly triggered, which of course leads therapists to refusing to help you, which then increases the trauma done by mental health professionals and around and around we go."
Response: I am so sorry for the harm that has been caused to you by mental health professionals. I do not have the power to fix that, but I can offer a heartfelt apology for the pain you have experienced. It is a deep injustice that seeking help has led to more harm. It is unacceptable that being "highly triggered" has led to experiences with therapists "refusing to help."
It is true that therapy can be triggering. When we go into ourselves, it can be scary. But a well-attuned, empathetic, trained, and skilled therapist will not shut down on you. They will walk along with you as you process, explore, and feel. A good therapist has the tools to sit with your triggered state without making it about them.
I know that trusting another professional after this kind of harm can feel impossible, but if you want to give it another go, you can use these resources. I would recommend exploring some of the directories that prioritize inclusivity and provider choice, like TherapyDen or OpenPath Collective. These platforms allow you to search for therapists who specialize in your specific needs, so you can be more intentional about who you are meeting with.
3. PTSD and the Ecstasy Trip
Question: "Can one get ptsd from a ecstasy trip? Thank you"
Response: PTSD is caused by an overwhelming sense of terror, helplessness, or horror in response to a traumatic event. While the ecstasy itself would not cause PTSD, something that happens during an ecstasy trip could absolutely cause it.
For example, if during the trip someone dies, you get news that a loved one died, you are assaulted, or another terrifying event occurs, you could very well develop PTSD. The core of PTSD is the event itself, not the state of being under the influence of a substance.
4. Navigating New Relationships
Question: "How do I start dating or making friends again when I'm afraid of getting hurt?"
Response: This is such a valid question. The fear of getting hurt again after experiencing trauma is completely normal. It is a protective part of you that is trying to keep you safe. The goal is not to eliminate that fear, but to learn how to move with it.
The best way to begin is slowly and intentionally. Start with what you know about yourself now. What are your boundaries? What are your values? What do you now know you need in a friendship or a relationship? The more you trust yourself and your ability to choose what is right for you, the less you will need to rely on others for validation.
Start with low-stakes social interactions, like a coffee date or a group activity you enjoy. Focus less on whether the other person likes you and more on how you feel during the interaction. Do you feel safe? Do you feel heard? Do you feel respected? By trusting your own feelings, you will slowly begin to build a new sense of safety with others.
5. Therapy Duration
Question: "Is therapy something I'll have to do forever?"
Response: That is a great question, and it is a common fear. The short answer is no, you will not have to be in therapy forever. The goal of good therapy is not to create a lifelong dependency. The goal is to provide you with a toolkit—a set of skills and insights that you can use to navigate your life on your own.
Think of it like learning to drive. You take lessons with an instructor to learn the rules of the road and build your confidence. But once you have your license and feel confident, you go out on your own. You may come back for a refresher course if you need one, but you do not need the instructor in the car with you every time you drive. Healing is a lifelong journey, but once you have the tools, you can be your own healer.
6. The Lingering Physical Symptoms
Question: "Why am I so tired all the time even though my life is stable now?"
Response: Your body has been in a state of high alert for a long time. Even though your external circumstances have changed, your nervous system is still playing catch-up. Think of it like a computer that has been running multiple programs in the background for years. It is tired.
The constant state of being "on guard" and the energy it takes to suppress emotions is physically and emotionally exhausting. This is not laziness or a personal failing. It is your body’s way of saying, "It's finally safe enough to rest, but I am completely depleted."
The best way to address this is with patience and kindness for your body. Continue with gentle, body-based practices like mindful movement and slow stretching. Rest is a form of healing. Allow your body the time and space it needs to finally feel safe enough to truly rest and recover.
7. How to Choose a Therapy Modality
Question: "How do I know what kind of therapy is right for me, like EMDR or something else?"
Response: That is a very smart question. There are many different types of therapy, and no single one is right for everyone. The best way to know is to have an open conversation with a potential therapist.
You can ask them directly: "I've heard about EMDR and Somatic Experiencing. What is your experience with those, and how would you know if one of them would be a good fit for me?" A good therapist will be able to explain the different modalities and help you understand what might be most helpful for your specific needs. They will also be honest about their own training and specializations.
Ultimately, the most important factor in a successful therapeutic relationship is the therapeutic rapport, or the feeling of safety and trust you have with your therapist. Finding a good fit is more important than finding a specific type of therapy.
8. The Role of Medication
Question: "Should I be on medication? My therapist hasn't brought it up."
Response: This is a very personal and important question. In many states, therapists are not medical doctors and cannot prescribe medication. That decision is made in consultation with a psychiatrist or a primary care physician. It is not an either/or decision between therapy and medication—they can be used together as powerful tools in your healing.
Medication can be an important tool that helps create a "window of tolerance" for therapy to be more effective.
If you are struggling with a high level of anxiety or depression that makes it difficult to engage in daily life or in therapy sessions, medication can help to turn down the volume of those symptoms so that you can begin the deeper work. If this is a question you have, I encourage you to bring it up to your therapist and discuss getting a referral to a professional who can help you with that decision.
9. Question about PTSD and Ecstasy
Question: "Can one get ptsd from a ecstasy trip? Thank you"
Response: PTSD is caused by an overwhelming sense of terror, helplessness, or horror in response to a traumatic event. While the ecstasy itself would not cause PTSD, something that happens during an ecstasy trip could absolutely cause it.
For example, if during the trip someone dies, you get news that a loved one died, you are assaulted, or another terrifying event occurs, you could very well develop PTSD. The core of PTSD is the event itself, not the state of being under the influence of a substance.
Join the Conversation
What other questions do you have about trauma, recovery, or healing?
