8 Steps to Take After a Traumatic Event According to a Trauma Therapist
If you are here, it means you have just experienced something difficult, overwhelming, or horrible.
My heart goes out to you. I want you to know that what you are feeling is real. It is valid. You are not alone.
The journey you are on is a challenging one, but it is also a journey of great courage.
The simple act of seeking out this information shows your strength and your desire to heal.
Please, take a moment.
Take a deep breath with me. Breathe in slowly through your nose. Breathe out gently through your mouth. There is nothing else you need to do right now except read these words and let them be a gentle comfort to you.
Every person's healing process is unique. But there are concrete, loving steps you can take right now to create a foundation for your recovery. These are not a checklist to be completed perfectly. They are a loving guide for you to use as a compass.
A critical note before we begin: If you have just experienced a rape, assault, a car accident, or another event that requires police or medical involvement, please dial 911 or 988, or go to your nearest emergency room, right now. Your physical safety and well-being are the absolute priority.
Experiencing something scary can leave a lasting impact on your mental health.
It can trigger your body’s natural fight, flight, fawn, or freeze response. This is a natural survival mechanism that releases hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. These hormones prepare your body to respond to a perceived threat.
But when that response is long or excessive, it can create a state of chronic stress. This chronic state can change your brain's pathways and lead to changes in its structure and function.
This contributes to the lasting impact of trauma, even if you feel you’ve “moved past it.”
So, let's begin.
First, take care of your basic safety needs. Get to a safe place. Call someone you trust. Offer yourself a small moment of soothing. This could be with food, a warm blanket, or just a quiet space to be.
Now, after taking care of these basic safety needs, what’s next?
Part 1: The Immediate Aftermath (The First 24-48 Hours)
Your main goal right now is to re-establish a sense of safety and calm. This is not about “fixing” anything. It is about tending to your wounds with kindness.
Prioritize Your Safety and Basic Needs: Grounding Yourself. Right now, you may feel like you’re floating outside of your body. Or your thoughts may be racing. This is your nervous system’s way of coping. The first, most loving thing you can do is to ground yourself. Grounding is a somatic technique. It helps you reconnect with your physical body and the present moment. It reminds you that you are safe now.
Exercise: The 5-4-3-2-1 Technique
Take a moment to sit down and get comfortable.
5: Name five things you can see right now. Look around the room and name them out loud or in your mind. Notice the colors, the shapes, and the details. (e.g., “I see the blue wall. I see a lamp. I see the dust in the sunlight.”)
4: Name four things you can feel. Feel your feet on the floor. Feel the texture of the chair you’re sitting on. Feel the fabric of your clothes against your skin. Feel the air on your face.
3: Name three things you can hear. Listen for the hum of a refrigerator. Listen for the distant sound of traffic. Listen for your own breathing.
2: Name two things you can smell. It could be the scent of soap on your hands. Or coffee brewing. Or a nearby candle.
1: Name one thing you can taste. This could be the last thing you drank or ate. Or even just the taste in your mouth.
This simple exercise gently pulls you out of frightening thoughts. It brings you back into your body. This is a key step in calming a stressed nervous system.
Give Yourself Permission to Feel Emotions: Radical Acceptance. It is normal to feel many emotions after a traumatic event. Sadness, anger, fear, guilt, or even numbness are all possible. You may want to push these feelings away. You may want to “be strong” or to “get on with it.” But I ask you to gently let go of that pressure. Your feelings are not a sign of weakness. They are a guide for your healing.
A powerful skill from DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) is called radical acceptance. This does not mean you approve of what happened to you. Radical acceptance means you are accepting the reality of your current situation. You are doing this without judgment. It’s saying, “This is what is happening right now, and it is okay for me to feel this way.” This is an act of self-compassion. It removes the extra suffering that comes from judging your own feelings.
Take Care of Your Body's Basics: A Simple Act of Self-Love. When you are in deep distress, simple acts of living can feel huge. Yet, these are the very things that will ground you. Brushing your teeth, drinking water, or eating a meal are not just chores. They are an act of self-love. It tells your body and mind, "You are worth caring for. You are worth survival." Focus on small, manageable tasks. Even just one small action can build momentum and a sense of control.
Avoid Alcohol and Drugs: A Loving Promise to Yourself. In the search for relief, it’s understandable that you might want to use alcohol or drugs to numb the pain. Please know that this is a normal urge. It is not a moral failing. However, these substances are a temporary escape that will stop you from truly healing. They can make symptoms worse. They can interfere with sleep. They can delay the processing of the trauma. Instead, make a loving promise to yourself to avoid them. Know that this choice is an investment in your future peace.
Part 2: The Longer-Term Healing Process
In the days and weeks following the event, the goal is to gently re-engage with your life and your emotions. Be patient with yourself. This is not a race.
Find Healthy Outlets for Expression: Distress Tolerance. Talking to a trusted friend or family member can be helpful. This person can be your co-regulator. This is someone who can hold a safe space for your pain. Their presence can help you feel calm. But beyond talking, there is power in creative expression. From journaling and writing poetry to painting or creating music. These activities from DBT’s distress tolerance module can help you express and identify your feelings. They help you do this without being overwhelmed by them. Your creations do not have to be shared or even "good." Their only purpose is to give your internal world a way to show itself.
Re-Engage with Your Body: The Path of Somatic Healing. Trauma can cause you to feel disconnected from your body. You may feel like it is no longer a safe place to be. Reconnecting is a gentle but important part of healing. Somatic healing, which EMDR often uses, is about listening to your body’s signals. It is about learning to feel safe in your own skin again.
Exercise: The Body Scan
Find a comfortable position, either sitting or lying down.
Gently bring your awareness to your feet. Notice any sensations there. Notice the pressure on the floor. Notice the temperature. Notice the feeling of your socks. Just notice, without judging.
Slowly move your awareness up your body, to your ankles, your calves, your knees, and so on.
As you move, simply observe. If you find a place of tension or pain, just acknowledge it with gentle curiosity. You are not trying to change it. You are only trying to notice it.
This simple practice helps you re-inhabit your body. It brings a sense of gentle curiosity and acceptance. This is a great step in healing the mind-body split that trauma can create.
Be Patient with Yourself: Becoming a Compassionate Observer. Healing is not a straight line. There will be good days and hard days. When you have a hard day, the most loving thing you can do is to be patient with yourself. The judgment and self-criticism that often follow trauma are a heavy weight to carry. Instead, practice being a compassionate observer of your own experience. Notice your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors without labeling them as “good” or “bad.” Just say to yourself, "I am noticing that I feel sad today," or "I am noticing that my thoughts are racing." This small shift in perspective can make a world of difference.
Part 3: Understanding Trauma's Impact: The "Why"
It’s so important to understand that your reactions are not a sign of your weakness. They are a natural, biological response.
The Fight Response: Your body prepares to defend itself. This can lead to feelings of anger, aggression, or a feeling of being on edge.
The Flight Response: Your body prepares to escape. This can manifest as anxiety, panic, or a need to constantly be moving.
The Fawn Response: Your body prepares to submit or appease the threat. This can lead to people-pleasing, a fear of conflict, and a loss of personal boundaries.
The Freeze Response: Your body prepares to shut down and become immobile. This can lead to feelings of numbness, dissociation, and a sense of being paralyzed or "stuck."
These responses are involuntary. They are your nervous system's way of protecting you. But a long state of this stress can have negative effects on your mental and physical health. This is exactly why professional support is so important. It’s about learning to gently and lovingly re-regulate your nervous system. It is about helping your brain move out of survival mode.
Part 4: Taking the Next Step: Why Therapy is a Path to Healing
Trauma therapy is a process that requires time and effort. But it is one of the most powerful tools for recovery.
Take the First Step Toward Therapy: Courage over Comfort. I want you to know it is 100% normal to feel "meh" or even resistant to the idea of therapy. But please, recognize that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It takes an incredible amount of courage to admit you need help. It takes courage to take steps to improve your mental health.
Trauma therapy provides a safe and supportive environment to process your experiences. A therapist can provide you with a container for your emotions. They can teach you coping mechanisms to manage symptoms like anxiety, depression, and PTSD. They will also help you to address any negative thought patterns that may have developed after the trauma.
One of the most effective and gentle approaches is EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). EMDR is a structured therapy that helps your brain reprocess traumatic memories. It uses bilateral stimulation. This could be eye movements or tapping. This helps your brain naturally move these painful memories from a place of active, overwhelming distress to a place of neutral memory. Think of it like a computer defragging its hard drive. The information is still there, but it is no longer causing glitches and crashes in the system.
This is not a "quick fix" for healing. But with a skilled therapist and a compassionate commitment to the process, it can be a powerful tool for achieving recovery and personal growth. The willingness to engage in this process is the most significant step you can take.
A Loving Call to Action for Your Future
Healing is a journey of a thousand steps, and you have already taken the first one simply by reading this. Your heart is ready for this journey. You are worth a life of peace, connection, and joy. You do not have to carry this burden alone.
If you have just experienced something horrible or are still suffering from trauma, please consider individual therapy.
If you live in CO, CA, or VA, I invite you to schedule a free, confidental 15-minute call with me.
We can talk about what you're looking for. We can figure out a way forward.
There is hope, and there is a path to healing waiting for you.
